Research questions
• Why is a greeting often an awkward situation and how can I affect that?
• What different ways of greetings are there?
• How much does background and location influence the way we greet?
• In which ways does a greeting reflect a position, status or background?

The Greeting Ritual: Finding Comfort in Discomfort

Abstract - Greeting can be an awkward yet comical event, but these awkward experiences can also have a significant impact on some people’s self image, resulting in feeling insecure and inferior. How simple physical gestures between two people have a notable influence on our behaviour and our feeling of belonging is fascinating to me, why do we worry about such seemingly mundane tasks?

As sociologist Erving Goffman explains in ‘Interaction Ritual: Essays in Face to Face Behavior’, a person might experience hurt and worry if they are afraid their self image will be negatively affected after a badly executed social interaction. This worry, cognitive scientist Sian Beilock says, can be so mentally demanding that the mind can not fully concentrate on the task one wants to do successfully (Choke, Sian Beilock, 2010, p.235), in this case the greeting ritual.

In ‘Manwatching: A Field Guide to Human Behaviour’ (1977) Desmond Morris explains that the plethora of human greeting forms might stem from the hunter-gatherers. While the hunters left camp regularly, other primates will continuously stay in their troops, therefore there is seldom a need for greeting rituals. Humans, however, find themselves often interacting with differing groups and people. This has resulted in the following question: Has the abundance of greeting rituals made it unclear to us on how to act when greeting?

Furthermore this research concentrates on interactions that surround the greeting ceremony, such as handshakes, kisses and waving and contemplates on the following questions: How do differing ways of greeting influence the greeting process? And how does the discomfort that occurs in greeting change the interaction that follows?

Interviews and surveys were conducted to examine such questions. This research also considers the effect of the current COVID-19 crisis as a substantial part of greeting forms seem obsolete and it re-thinks the relation between this lost physical proximity and the discomfort in greeting.

By archiving the large amount of greeting forms and collecting them in an open source hybrid publication, this project shows the struggle of wanting to belong and serves as a guide to reflect on the ways we greet.

•Structural Outline - Introduction
Greetings can be awkward events. Many people might experience discomfort or awkwardness when greeting, whether it is an unfamiliar situation like meeting a partner’s parents for the first time or a more familiar one like kissing an aunt on the cheeks when both wearing glasses. These examples already come from personal experience and that is just the tip of the iceberg when I am speaking for myself. It can be a funny awkward experience, but these awkward experiences can also have a significant impact on how some people self image, resulting in feeling insecure and inferior. How simple gestures between two people have a notable influence on our behaviour and our feeling of belonging is fascinating to me, why do we worry about such seemingly mundane tasks?

1. Main Idea: What is Greeting?
A greeting is an expression of cordiality, or at least not hostility, towards another person. It occurs when a person appears in the scene. It opens the doors, so to say, to commence communication. We seem to be unable to begin or end a meeting without greeting, however small that greeting may be. We greet one’s comings and goings, but also perform these gestures when one has made a transformation, such as reaching a new age or getting hired for a new job. In this case we greet their new me.

● Why do we greet?
In ‘Manwatching: A Field Guide to Human Behaviour’ (1977) Desmond Morris compares the human greeting to that of primates. He outlines how the human has more greeting ceremonies than other primates do, pointing out that this may have originated during the time of the hunter-gatherers. The hunters would leave the gatherers and would come back with the loot. Other primates continuously stay in their troops, therefore there is almost no need for greeting ceremonies. (Morris, 1977) Humans, however, find themselves often interacting with differing groups and new people.

○ What is the meaning of a greeting?
This part gives examples of the meaning behind greeting such as: being welcomed, being welcome, being part of a group, the state of the relationship, a symbol of politeness and social status.

With greetings we establish a certain message to these groups or people. First and foremost a greeting is a symbol of politeness. Even when a person does not care for someone, they often would still greet as it is expected of them and is deemed rude if it is not done.

The intensity of a greeting is influenced by the intimacy of the relationship, the duration of the time spent separated, the context of the greeting - in private or in public, the changes that have occured while separated and the local cultural code of conduct and traditions. (Morris, 1977)

☺ Why does the meaning of a greeting change with different audiences?
Why do people switch codes for other people?
Munganyende Hélène Christelle writes in her piece about the constant codeswitching that millenials of colour perform. Codeswitching is a term that is used by linguists to describe the sociological effects of multilingualism. It is the ability to switch between different social surroundings and adjust behaviour and language to it. While people of colour that live in a society of predominantly white people do it to an more extreme extent, essentially everyone switches between codes constantly.

• How do people greet?
For this research a survey was taken by 433 people from different parts of the world. They were asked how they would greet people such as their parents, close friends, acquaintances and strangers. The majority of people have a different greeting for every person. Most people prefer to hug their parents (37%) and friends (54,7%) and greet by just saying hi without having physical contact towards acquaintances (40,4%) and strangers (49,9%).

In addition to the specific target group a person caters to in a greeting, their personal heritage and cultural surroundings also come into play. To kiss on the cheek one or more times is a customary gesture in France. The amount of kisses is variable, but can be connected to a certain département in the country as can be seen in French Kisses by Bill Rankin (2013).


2. Main Idea: The Awkwardness of Greeting
As is commonly experienced, greetings might evoke feelings of discomfort and awkwardness.

● What is the face?
As sociologist Erving Goffman explains in ‘Interaction Ritual: Essays in Face to Face Behavior’, a person attaches feelings to the face. The face being the positive value a person holds to themselves. So if events occur that affirm this positive value, the person is likely to feel good. When the ordinary expectations are not met, a person might experience hurt and worry.

○ Why does the face cause us to worry?
That worry itself has an effect on the comfort we feel as well. Cognitive scientist Sian Beilock says’: “Worrying (and trying to suppress your worries) uses up working memory that could otherwise be used to maintain several pieces of information in mind at once.”(Choke, Sian Beilock, 2010, p.235) Thus, this worry can be so mentally demanding that the mind can not fully concentrate on the task one wants to do successfully, in this case complete the greeting process.

☺ How worry affects the greeting process
What to worry about, what to code switch to, social, political, cultural codes, the many different ways of greeting
During my interviews with people of differing ages and backgrounds, I have found that this discomfort and confusion already starts at a young age as children are instructed on greeting etiquette. Correcting greeting acts evoke feelings of insecurity, which sometimes fades through practice and maturity, but for many remains a struggle. One person remembers an acquaintance of their father making a remark about their handshake at a young age. Their father, assumably a bit embarrassed, grumpily explained how to shake hands correctly afterwards. While he meant well, this experience may have had an impact on the anxiety this person sometimes experiences surrounding greetings.

Another example of a person who talked about not knowing what to do, so many ways to greet, transition to next main idea.


3. Main Idea: Too Many Choices
Having too much choice results in making it harder to choose. Not just the abundance of choice but also the meaning behind every option.

● The Perfect Choice
When greeting we want to make the best possible impression on someone, if that does not go as planned, we feel bad. To make that impression while being under the pressure of having a lot of possible greeting forms, a person might panic and be confused about what to do.

○ What Happens in the Brain
Researchers using functional magnetic resonance imaging on subjects who were faced with decisions discovered that the process of making a choice lights up portions of our brains that deal with regret and emotional memories


Summary and Conclusion
A short summary on the topics discussed and a conclusion based on that.

● My answer to this research
This project offers perspective on the current state and what could be improved upon. By archiving the large amount of greeting forms and collecting them in an open source hybrid publication, this project shows the struggle of wanting to belong and serves as a guide to reflect on the ways we greet.